Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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