Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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