Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize