My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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