I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
