she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
