My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
