Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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