Define "chronic" masturbator.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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