Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize