Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
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He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
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I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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