dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
