Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
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