He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
