Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
