What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He shit in the fireplace
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
