Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
