If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
