Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
