I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
