It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
