I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
