he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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