He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
