The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
