I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
