He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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