Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
