I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
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