With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
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I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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