how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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