did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
