We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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