You work out of a Hotel?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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