dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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