i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He did a backflip because drugs
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