I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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