Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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