I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
