I hate your face
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize