he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
