first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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