there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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