just tell him i said nine months
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
