Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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