I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
