I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
