I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
