i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
