Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
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So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
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She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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