yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
