The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
