So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
