Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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